


Stun Gun Training and Balboa Island

by alley_oops, jennandanica



Series: Citadel: Logan Marshall-Green and KJ Apa [37]
Category: Actor RPF, Citadel (Journalfen RPG), New Zealand Actor RPF, Riverdale (TV 2017) RPF
Genre: BDSM, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:29:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21760918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alley_oops/pseuds/alley_oops, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennandanica/pseuds/jennandanica
Summary: Logan (AU) is ex-military, ex-mercenary, mostly retired, and occasionally works for AU Tommy Flanagan who sponsored him into Citadel. He's also good friends with AU Antony Starr and Stephen Amell*. He has family money as well as his own. He struggles with PTSD. He was involved with AU Rafael Lazzini but that relationship ended roughly 10 months ago. Their storyline can be foundhere.Citadel knows Logan's past occupation(s) and current connections and they couldn't care less as long as he's not involving the organization directly in anything illegal.KJ (AU) is busy traveling the world while he tries to figure out what he wants to do with the rest of his life after having made a huge sum of money from an app he developed. He's been aged up to 31.*their storyline is posted under my name
Relationships: KJ Apa/Logan Marshall-Green
Series: Citadel: Logan Marshall-Green and KJ Apa [37]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1099647
Kudos: 2





	Stun Gun Training and Balboa Island

**Author's Note:**

> This is a re-posting (archiving) of all logs for the Logan Marshall-Green/KJ Apa storyline in the BDSM RPS RPG [Citadel](http://citadel.dreamwidth.org/read).

Preferring there not to be a paper trail of any kind, Logan has Antony courier over his preferred choice of stun gun. The package has just arrived, Logan busy slicing open the well-sealed box, when KJ comes in from his morning surf. "Hey. How was it?" he asks, smiling at his lover.

"Great. The water's still churned up from the storm last night, but the waves were sweet." KJ crouches down. "What's all this?"

"Stun gun," Logan says, pulling a smaller box out of the larger one. He offers it to KJ. "Antony suggested this model. It's the one he recommends to clients."

KJ takes the box and carefully opens it. The stun gun inside fits well in his hand, his fingers wrapping easily around the grip. It's surprisingly heavy for its size, but the buttons look pretty straightforward. On/off. Zap/no zap. He looks at Logan. "How much will this hurt you?"

"It'll hurt," Logan says, not wanting to sugarcoat things. "And if you use it for five seconds or so, it'll incapacitate me, anywhere from five to twenty minutes depending on my reaction to it."

"During which time I'll run like hell?" KJ asks, eyebrow quirked. He doesn't like this, at all. But he knows he promised.

"I don't know about run but yeah, get away from me," Logan nods, knowing he's asking a lot. "If it works the way I hope it will, it'll wake me up and you won't have to worry beyond that initial usage."

KJ frowns as a thought occurs to him. "You've had this used on you before?"

"Not for this and not recently but I've had one used on me." Logan reaches for the larger box, starting to break it down.

 _Great_. KJ can't tell by his voice whether it was in training or under torture, but either way he decides he doesn't want to know. "I never know when it's okay to ask you about... things," he says softly.

Logan stops what he's doing and rises to his feet. "It's always okay to ask me," he says, just as softly. "I'm an open book when it comes to you. Some of it's hard to talk about but I'd rather you ask than not."

"I don't want to know everything," KJ says, ducking his head. "You've a right to your privacy. But, I do wonder when things like this come up."

"You mean whether my captors used one on me?" Logan clarifies.

"Right," KJ whispers, unable to keep from reaching for his lover.

Logan wraps his arms around KJ and presses close, quiet for a long moment. "They didn't use a stun gun but they did use a cattle prod," he says finally, quietly. "It's lower voltage so you can use it longer without doing permanent damage."

KJ shuts his eyes in pain and hugs Logan tighter before releasing him with a sigh. Heaven knows if he holds Logan as long as he wants, they'll never get a damn thing done. "So," he says briskly. "What distance do I use this at?"

"Whatever distance you're at," Logan replies. "You can use it right up close or you can use it at arms length. It'll penetrate fabric up to an inch in thickness and the best places to use it are the neck, torso or hips but when you're in the moment, wherever you can make contact works."

 _Neck, torso, hips. Right._ "Is it going to leave a mark? Will it actually burn you?"

"It can, depending on how long it's actually in contact with the skin," Logan answers honestly, hoping he's not freaking KJ out too much. "But any mark wouldn't be permanent."

KJ looks at the device in his hand, his thumb skating over the on/off switch. It looks so simple... "I'm going to go for a walk," he says quietly, setting the stun gun aside on the counter. He goes to snag his shoes from the hall closet. "I'll be back."

"Wait," Logan says. "Let's not do this." It's obvious he's asking too much, pushing KJ out of his comfort zone, and he doesn't want to risk hurting KJ in any way, doesn't want to risk hurting _them_ , not when another solution is so easily available. "I'll just go back on the full dose. Then you won't have to worry about this."

"You hate the full dose," KJ murmurs, resigned. "It's no good to put you on it for months. And... what if we're on the boat and I need you to wake up quickly, like if there's a sudden storm or something? It won't work if you're on a full dose."

Logan exhales softly. Fuck. "Then maybe we should reconsider the trip," he offers. "We could still travel, see some of the same places by plane, get to your family for Christmas, and at some point, when I'm weaned off the meds, we can try again."

The words hit KJ like a blow to the chest, and he glances away, blinking back sudden moisture behind his eyes. "I don't know," he says softly. "I think I just need some time to think about it."

"Okay," Logan nods. "Just know that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to have you comfortable," he says. "I don't want to push you into anything that risks us."

KJ leaves off tying his shoes and steps closer, slipping his arms around Logan's neck. "I love you," he whispers. "We won't risk us."

Logan hugs KJ close, reluctant to let go. "I love you too," he whispers back. "More than anything."

KJ clings, and sighs. "All right," he says, stepping back and picking up the stun gun. "Show me again?"

Logan starts to ask KJ if he's sure but that'll just keep them going in circles. "Okay, so you want to turn the gun on," indicating the on/off switch, "and then push the trigger button. You'll hear and see the electricity as it jumps between the contacts. You don't want to fire the gun for no reason for more than a second at a time as it'll damage the unit. When you press the contacts against someone, the electricity goes into the person and it doesn't cause any damage to the gun."

"No more than a second at a time," KJ repeats to himself and aims the gun away from them both. He presses the trigger for just an instant and tries not to jump when it activates. "Jesus," he mutters, and turns the gun off again. _Cattle prod_. Christ.

"I know," Logan nods solemnly. "I know it's scary as hell but it's for your safety and my well-being. We can't have me flipping out on the boat and if I hurt you, I'd never forgive myself." He pauses for a second then adds, "So you need to practice pulling it out from under your pillow and turning it on as quickly as you can. If you need to use it, you touch it to me wherever and you try for five seconds. I may back off with less and it's unlikely you'd need more."

"And there's no way we're going to accidentally trigger it, when we're in bed?" KJ asks, one dark eyebrow raised. "Maybe I'll keep it on the bedside table." He doesn't know if he'll be able to sleep with the thing underneath his pillow. How did they fucking get here?

"No," Logan shakes his head. "It takes deliberate effort to turn it on and to push the trigger. They've made it that way on purpose."

"Okay." KJ nods, swallowing around the lump in his throat. And changes the subject. "Did you write at all while I was surfing?"

"I did. I finished the chapter I was working on," Logan says, setting the box and the stun gun aside. "I'm really happy with it."

"That's great." A genuine smile blooms on KJ's face. "That's amazing, actually." He takes Logan's hands and pulls his lover's arms around his waist. "What else do you want to do today?"

"Besides you?" Logan teases, kissing KJ firmly on the mouth. He glances at his watch. "We could visit Balboa Island - park on the peninsula and take the ferry over. It's kind of kitschy but it's fun."

"Yeah, that sounds good, let's do that." It'll be good to get out of the house together and do something entirely non nightmare-related. KJ kisses Logan again. "Can I drive?"

"I suppose so," Logan says, as if he really has to think about it, the glint in his eye letting on that he's only teasing. "How long do you need?"

"Ten minutes. I just need to change my clothes," KJ answers, excited. "And dig out my wallet." He turns to dash upstairs.

Logan watches KJ go with a smile then tidies up, filling a couple of reusable water bottles with ice water from the fridge. After the stun gun fiasco he's looking forward to spending the rest of the day way far away from anything to do with the whole thing.

It's only eight minutes before KJ comes back down, dressed in shorts and a white shirt with a light blue Hawaiian print. "You're going to navigate, right?"

"Of course," Logan says, stealing a kiss before handing over the keys, his wallet shoved in his back pocket. "I got us water. Do we need anything else?"

"Wet wipes?" KJ jokes. "We should probably just start stashing those around everywhere." He opens the garage door to a beautiful sunny day, and breathes in gratitude.

Logan laughs and slides into the passenger seat of the Audi. "I could just promise not to molest you in public today," he kids.

"Where's the fun in that? You _love_ molesting me in public." And KJ loves it too, an ever-willing participant in his own corruption.

"I do," Logan agrees, "so..." he flips open the glove compartment, "I guess I should put a couple of these in my pocket." Showing KJ a whole bundle of individually wrapped wet wipes.

KJ snickers and claps a hand over his mouth. "Oh, my god. You really are prepared for anything," he says, leaning across the Audi's center console to give his lover a kiss.

"I ordered them the other day," Logan says, laughing and grinning into the kiss. "Love you."

"Love you too." KJ grins and pulls out of the driveway, reminding himself to check left. "Will you find some music for us?"

Logan connects his phone to the car's bluetooth and chooses a playlist. "How's that?"

"Ooh, I love Jonny Lang," KJ says as the strains of "Give Me Up Again" begin. "Do you listen to the blues much? Like, the classic stuff. John Lee Hooker, B.B. King?" He glances aside at Logan as he pulls onto the highway.

Logan nods. "Robert Johnson. Son House. Bessie Smith." He smiles. "I prefer classic anything. Blues, country, rock..."

KJ grins. "I adore you," he says, apropos of pretty much nothing. "Do you know that?"

"For what? My taste in music?" Logan grins.

"Sure, that too," KJ says with a soft laugh. "And you're awfully cute," he adds. "That always shakes me up."

Logan smiles over at KJ. "Me? You're the cute one. Gorgeous actually." His attention going to the road for a moment. "You want to take this next turn," he says, pointing in that direction. "We could take the highway but it'll only add a bit to take the more scenic route."

"All right. Hey, I've been thinking," KJ says as he takes the turn. "How long do you want to spend in New Zealand? Like, beyond the holidays? Because I've started making a mental list of places I want to take you to. And that'll be the perfect time to visit the South Island."

"How long would it take you to show me everything you want to show me?" Logan asks, turning the question back on KJ.

"God, I don't know, a month? Maybe two," KJ answers. "People figure that we're such a small country they can do it in a week, but there's so much more."

"So how about six weeks?" Logan asks. "That would have us home mid-February. It's not like it's written in stone though. We'll just buy tickets when we want to come back."

"That'd be good." KJ grins at him. "I'm so excited to show you my home, introduce you to everyone..."

"Everyone?" Logan gives KJ a look but it's clear he's teasing. "Who's everyone?"

"What? Just, you know-- everyone," KJ tells him, grinning. "My parents, my sisters, my cousins, my friends, former teachers, that nice old guy at the end of the block... I want to shout from the rooftops that you're mine."

Logan laughs. "Speaking of which. Have you talked to your parents since Shanna was here?"

"Yeah, of course. I talk to them all the time." KJ slants a glance at Logan. "What do you want to know?"

"Whether they seem any happier with the idea of me since she visited us."

"Yeah, of course." KJ realizes that might not be entirely reassuring. "I mean, the more time that passes, the more comfortable they are with the idea. And Shanna is now in your corner, so that carries a lot of weight: she's typically the most judgmental one."

"But you're sure they'll like me?" Logan asks, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck.

KJ does a double-take at his lover, surprised by the unusual show of insecurity. He checks his mirrors and pulls off onto the road's shoulder. "They're going to love you," he says, turning in his seat to watch Logan. "Know why?"

"Why?" Logan asks, hoping he's not driving KJ up the wall with his concerns.

"Because I do." KJ smiles. "And anyway, what they're most concerned about is how well you treat me." He raises an impish eyebrow. "Which is very, very well."

"They might beg to differ if they knew half the stuff we get up to," Logan says, shaking his head, amused.

"Then let's not tell them," KJ replies with a laugh, sliding back into gear and pulling out onto the road. "And anyway, isn't it what I think that counts most?"

"Of course it is," Logan says. "I just get nervous. I've never had to deal with families."

"I think mine's a pretty good one," KJ says modestly; Logan knows he's super close with his family. A minute passes, broken only by the music. "Do you ever wonder about yours?" In all the years since they've been estranged, KJ figures Logan must be curious.

"I don't have to wonder," Logan says. "I know where they are, what they're doing."

"You do?" KJ looks over at him in surprise before jerking his attention back to the road.

Logan nods. He blows out a breath, wondering whether it's better to spread the bad crap out or get it over all in one go. "I have someone loosely keep an eye on them," he confesses. "Not because I care what they're up to, but because I don't trust them."

It takes a moment for KJ to work through that. _Keep an eye on them_. "Are you worried they'll try to find you? Come after you?" Abruptly he wonders just where Logan's family's old money came from in the first place.

"No," Logan says, torn as to how to explain. "Look, let's not talk about it while you're driving," he says. "When we get to the island, if you really want to know, we'll find a quiet place to have lunch and I'll tell you all of it."

KJ frowns but nods. "Okay. I do want to know," he adds, just to be clear. He's hungry for every clue Logan gives him about his past, on a mission to know his lover down to his soul. For the first time, though, he wonders if maybe it would be better not to know at all.

Logan reaches across the front seat and gives KJ's leg a squeeze. "I love you," he says. "And I'm glad your family loves and cares about you so much. I may not love being the object of their scrutiny and I may worry about whether they like me but I don't blame them at all."

* * *

The breeze dies down as they step off the ferry onto Balboa Island. KJ is immediately charmed by the bustle of the boardwalk, the quaint shops mixed among the trendy storefronts. "If you see something that looks like it'd make a good baby gift, let me know," he says. "Or a new mother gift, maybe I should focus on getting one of those."

"Or both," Logan suggests with a grin. "Something for the baby and something for the new mom, so she doesn't feel forgotten."

"Yeah. No older siblings to worry about yet. This time." KJ shakes his head. "My sister has had a really hard pregnancy, but my brother-in-law is already talking about having more. I think she might murder him in his sleep."

"No kidding. You have to at least wait until they've forgotten all the pregnancy and delivery stuff," Logan says, not that he personally knows any of this but he's heard tell. "Are you going to send these home or take them?"

"I'll take them with us when we go." KJ smiles and takes Logan's hand to tug him into a shop featuring hand-dipped candles in the window display. "Talia loves this kind of thing. Help me pick a scent. What do you think?" he asks, lifting a large three-wick candle. "Too flowery?"

Logan wrinkles his nose. "Too something," he says. "What about this one?" Offering KJ another to sniff. "It says it's vanilla bean and marshmallow."

"Ooh, vanilla." KJ breathes in and smiles. "That might be the one. For her, not for me," he jokes. "I like the spicy ones."

Logan laughs. "Am I one of the spicy ones?" he asks, leaning in to nuzzle KJ's neck for a moment.

KJ sighs blissfully and angles his neck for more. "Definitely," he agrees, sliding his hand down to Logan's ass. "You make me so happy."

"Hello. Can I help you find anything?" Comes a woman's chipper voice.

"Oh, hi." KJ straightens up like it's a spinal reflex. The shopkeeper looks to be in her mid-50's, long grey hair, and like she just wandered in off a commune. KJ smiles brightly at her. "My sister is going to have a baby soon and I want to find something nice to send to her as a new mum gift."

"You're Australian," the woman says, all pleased with herself.

"Kiwi," Logan jumps in. "New Zealander. But it's a common mistake," he allows with a smile.

KJ grins adoringly at his lover; he just can't help it. "A candle," he says, trying to wrench his mind back on track. "And maybe some bath stuff? Nothing too heavy though because I've got to carry it back home."

"We have these lovely bath bombs," the shopkeeper suggests, pointing them out. "Nice and soothing and they're made of all natural ingredients so she doesn't have to wait to use them."

"Oh, nice." KJ nods, looking through the selection. "We'll have to pick up a gift bag or something," he tells Logan, choosing two different bath bombs. He smiles at the woman. "I think we're set with these."

"The candle and the bath bombs?" she clarifies, carrying KJ's purchases to the cash. "I can wrap them up if you'd like. Tissue paper and a pretty gift bag."

"Great, thanks. That one," KJ points at one of the bath bombs, "you don't have to wrap though." KJ shoots Logan a grin.

Logan grins back, the shopkeeper staring at them for a moment before she starts wrapping the other bath bomb and candle in tissue paper. "Are you off to do more shopping?" she asks.

"Yeah, I expect so. We're going to wander around at least." KJ smiles at her; he didn't miss her hesitation, and so he's turning on the charm. "It's my first time here and I want to see everything."

She beams at that. "And have you been here before?" she asks Logan.

"I have, but not in a while. I thought KJ would enjoy seeing it," Logan says, warming to her a little.

"Make sure you take him on the ferris wheel," she says, sliding the wrapped gifts into a simple but lovely gift bag. She tells KJ, "It's been running since 1936 and you have the most beautiful views from up there." She smiles at them both. "It's rather romantic."

"That sounds awesome." KJ digs his credit card out of his wallet and hands it over with another grin. "I'm looking forward to it. Thank you," he says, taking back the card and waiting while she slips the gift bag into a more nondescript shopping sack. "Have a great day."

"You're good at making friends," Logan teases, nudging KJ's shoulder with his own as they move back outside, onto the sidewalk.

KJ shrugs. "Most people respond well if you smile at them," he answers, dropping his free hand to link his fingers with Logan's as they stroll. "And we made her a little uncomfortable, but she wanted to like us, you could tell." He stops short in front of a bustling steakhouse and takes a deep breath. "Lunch now?" he asks, already tugging Logan into the restaurant.

"Sure." The hostess seats them inside but just off the patio, the sliding doors pushed fully back. It's noisy enough to cover for anything they want to say but they order first, drinks then food, before Logan sits back, wondering if this is such a good idea.

"Hey," KJ says, nudging Logan's foot under the table. Watching him closely. "It's okay. Whatever you've got to say, just know that."

"Okay." Logan nods. "So, I told you my family's wealthy? The wealth goes back a number of generations and it's all high society and country club stuff. My parents basically only had me because that's what you do, have an heir to carry on the family name."

KJ nods slowly, digesting that. "All right. So, not exactly candidates for parents of the year." He squeezes Logan's hand gently.

Logan squeezes back. "They weren't outright abusive," he says. "They were just cold and controlling and concerned more with appearances than anything else." He stops for a moment, steeling himself for what comes next, his stomach rolling. "But my uncle was abusive. Sexually. It started when I was five or six and kept going until I was fourteen. Until I was too old for him and then he switched to one of my cousins."

The waves crash against the shore, thundering static filling KJ's ears till even the restaurant around them fades into the background. He stares at Logan, certain he heard wrong. Certain he didn't. Abruptly he clasps his hand over his mouth like that will somehow keep the bile from rising. _No. No. No._ But when he opens his eyes again Logan is still there, the two of them are still here together, and the past somehow really did happen.

Logan considers stopping there. Maybe it's better if he does. But it's already out there. And it's not all of it. Not the most important part. "They knew. My parents. They knew the whole time but they didn't care, other than making sure I never said anything to anyone."

A shard slices through KJ's heart. He can't even comprehend how that could be true, but he knows it is. "I understand why you don't keep in contact with them," he says hoarsely. Wonders anew at Logan's strength, to survive such a fucking nightmare as a child.

Logan nods. "I would have given anything to grow up with a normal family," he says softly. "It's not like I didn't know they existed. I saw my friends, I watched TV. I knew how fucked up my life was."

KJ squeezes Logan's hand, in lieu of dropping to his knees in public and kissing him the way he wants to. "So, your parents are alive and well?" he asks quietly. "And your uncle, too?"

Fuck. "My parents are," Logan says, squeezing back, his heart hammering in his chest as he forces himself to hold KJ's gaze. "My uncle had what they determined was a freak accident a number of years back."

"A freak accident," KJ echoes, narrowing his eyes. "What kind of accident? You mean, like, he died under suspicious circumstances?"

"He was working on a tree at his summer house and fell, cracked his head open on a bunch of rocks at the base," Logan says. "The rest of the family was out so they didn't discover him until they got home late that night."

"Huh. That is weird." An unobjectionable story to be sure; KJ supposes that's the kind that makes for the best alibis. "Sounds like it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy." He swallows hard. "I hope it wasn't quick and painless."

"It wasn't," Logan says, sitting back as their drinks are delivered to the table. "Not even close."

That confirms it. KJ shuts his eyes at a flash of pain, and nods. He lifts his beer in a salute. "Here's to rocks. Those dangerous inanimate things."

"To rocks," Logan says, clinking his glass against KJ's and managing a drink before he has to look away, tears stinging his eyes.

KJ knocks back a big swallow of his pint, then lifts their joined hands so he can rub his cheek against Logan's knuckles. "I love you," he says, the words just for them. "It breaks my heart that you went through that. But it means everything that you're here."

Logan turns his head back. "It means everything to me to have your acceptance, not just of what happened, but what I did," he says quietly. "No one else knows the last part. Rafael knew about what happened to me but not the other. You're the first person I've ever told." And he hadn't realized how badly he needed that understanding, that absolution.

"Thank you," KJ murmurs, and kisses Logan's knuckles. "For trusting me that much."

"I do," Logan says softly, relief washing over him, the fear that KJ might decide he isn't worth the trouble fading away. "I love you and I trust you completely."

KJ has laid himself bare for Logan countless times in the past two months; he smiles now to hear his trust reciprocated. "Good," he says quietly. "You're safe with me."

Logan smiles and starts to say something but their food comes and he sits back, stomach rumbling at the smell. "I don't want to talk about it too much more," he says, conscious of overwhelming KJ with all his baggage. "But that's why I have an eye on them. I'm pretty sure my parents suspect it wasn't an accident and I don't trust them in general. I'm still the heir to my family's fortune and my grandfather tied it up in ways they can't change, _unless_ I end up as a felon or dead."

KJ snorts a laugh. "You've already got more money than God." He cuts his steak, thinking. "You should set up an endowment or something, once they're gone. Some charitable thing to help victims of abuse or something. That'll get them turning over in their graves." He grins.

Logan cocks his head. "That's a good idea," he says, nodding. "Hell, I could turn their whole estate into some sort of home for homeless or troubled teens."

"Oh my god, that's brilliant!" KJ smiles, delighted.

"It's probably a long way off," Logan admits, taking a bite of baked potato. "But I can guess I can enjoy making plans for it."

KJ nods sagely. "It's the little things." He can't keep a straight face, though. "Let's talk about something else. Tell me your worst first-date story."

"I think I already told you," Logan says, smiling. "That friend of Trina's she set me up with. The one who said I was too rough. The whole date was awful, even before that."

"Ooh, that was the one? Yeah, you told me. It makes me mad just thinking about it," KJ says with a shake of his head. "If I had been that guy..."

Logan's smile widens. "If you'd been that guy, the last year and a bit would have been very different."

"True." KJ grins, "Although I might've been a little intimidated by the beard. You were certainly working that wild man look."

Logan laughs. "I didn't really get going on that until after that guy," he points out. "I already felt so out of sorts and after him I just wanted to... disappear."

Polishing off the last of his beer, KJ studies Logan. "I'm glad you didn't. It's weird, though. To think that if anything had gone differently than it did, you and I might not have met. I can say my heart breaks for all that's happened to you, but still... it brought you to me."

"Where I'm meant to be," Logan says, not caring in the least how cheesy he might sound.

KJ beams. "Yeah, I reckon so."

* * *

"Did you ever tell me _your_ worst first-date story?" Logan asks, after lunch, when they're back out on the concrete boardwalk. His memory's not what it used to be and he and KJ have talked over so many things that sometimes it's hard to remember.

"I don't think I did, no. God, that would have to be Genevieve Marsh, I guess." KJ grimaces in memory, but laughs a second later. "I'd liked her for two years. On the way to the movie, my tire blew, so we were pulled over on the side of the road. I'd never changed a tire before but I was sure I could manage it, you know?" Ruefully he shakes his head.

Logan chuckles and nods for KJ to continue.

"This was back before I had a cell phone. Someone who pulled over had a car phone, though, and I thought Gen was going to call for help, or maybe a tow truck... She called her ex-boyfriend," KJ tells his lover with a wry smile. "He came and picked her up, and they left me stranded on the side of the road... It turned out she was only going out with me in the first place to make him jealous, too." He swings their joined hands.

Eyes wide, Logan just stares at KJ for a moment. "You're fucking kidding me," he says, shaking his head. "God. People are so weird."

"Yeah, it's kind of amazing what acceptable behavior is to some people, that's totally bizarre to someone else." Pausing, KJ looks up. "What do you think, should we try the Ferris Wheel?"

"The lady said it was romantic," Logan smiles, stepping up to the ticket booth. "One ride or should we come back at sunset too?"

"Nah, let's just come back later. We can keep walking," KJ answers. And talking. He has learned a hell of a lot today.

Logan takes KJ's hand again, no one really paying them much attention. "I know we're still figuring out the whole meds thing for the trip but I'm really looking forward to it," he says. "I've always wanted to do this but I never thought I'd have someone to do it _with_."

KJ grins. "I'm excited to find someone who wants to travel the world with me," he says. "I'd got used to doing it on my own, mostly, but it's completely different with you. Much much better."

Logan grins back. "Not on this trip because we're on more of a schedule and not really in one place for any length of time, but what would you think of doing some volunteering if we're somewhere for longer?"

"I love that idea," KJ exclaims, looking at Logan. "I've actually been thinking... I mean, I miss dogs," he says, like it's some deep dark secret. "Do you like dogs?"

"I do," Logan nods, grin widening, loving how excited KJ looks.

"Awesome! Because I've been thinking I'd really love to get involved in helping rescue dogs, especially senior ones. You know, the ones who sit in the shelters and get overlooked again and again in favor of the cute little puppies," KJ says, his words tumbling out in his enthusiasm. "We might not be able to foster any because we won't be staying so long, but we can still help."

"I'd love to do that. There's a rescue down by the marina," Logan says. "We could offer to walk them. Same thing in other countries. Walk them, feed them, get a vet in to neuter and spay them. We could also make some anonymous donations when we leave since we'd have a better idea of what they need."

KJ smiles, gratified. "And what about you? Is there a particular type of volunteering you'd like to do?"

"Stuff with kids, weirdly enough," Logan says with a smile. "Antony has this charity that runs boxing programs and computer camps for underprivileged kids. It's always really fascinated me. I wouldn't mind teaching kids self-defense skills, conflict resolution stuff, playing games with them."

"I don't think that's weird at all. You've got such a big heart," KJ murmurs, his smile adoring.

"For you I do," Logan teases, smiling and ducking his head a little.

It's as close as Logan gets to blushing. KJ grins and steps out of the flow of traffic, tugging Logan with him. "You haven't kissed me in _hours_."

"Seriously?" Logan shakes his head. "How neglectful of me," he murmurs, already making up for it, his lips warm and firm on KJ's.

Any smart retort on KJ's tongue melts beneath Logan's mouth, and he clutches his lover's shoulders, trying not to cling. They are in public, after all. And he should be capable of being some kind of composed. In theory. "I love you," he whispers, even though it's surely redundant to everything else he's said today.

"I love you too," Logan whispers back, ignoring the few disapproving comments he can hear behind them. They're not blocking anyone's way or doing anything more than lots of couples do.

KJ tilts his head back to look at the sky. "What do you think, Ferris Wheel now?"

"Let's finish the boardwalk first," Logan says, smiling, watching KJ. "Should be perfect timing by then."

"All right." Looking around, KJ points at a stand of carnival games. "Gonna win me a giant alligator?" he asks, indicating a rifle game.

"Sure." Logan says, paying for one round since that's all he'll need. "I obliterate the star and we get the big plushy?" he checks in with the guy running it before giving KJ a smile and taking position. He has 100 rounds which is what fools a lot of people. They don't realize how fast the rounds come out or that often the sights are totally fucked up on these guns.

A stillness settles over Logan, so suddenly it makes KJ blink in surprise. He starts to fire in slow controlled bursts, taking out the outside of the playing card first before thoroughly shooting out the red star in the middle. It's over fast, so fast KJ and the guy running the stand are both left gaping.

Logan stands back up, grinning at them both. "You wanted the alligator?"

Still stunned, KJ is a beat slow to answer. "Yeah, the alligator. Right," he confirms, and gives his lover a shy smile. Shaking his head, the game runner unclips the oversized plushy from the overhead display and hands it to KJ. "Thanks," KJ tells him brightly, and takes the absurd thing into his arms with a big grin.

Logan chuckles, pulling his phone from his pocket and taking a picture. "Now you have to name it."

"I do? Oh. Um, Fletcher MacGill," KJ decodes, the laugh lines around his eyes crinkling. "The sweet and cuddly reptile I always wanted."

"I love it," Logan says. "Fletcher MacGill." He pets the stuffed animal on the head and gives KJ a kiss. "We'll have to take him on the ferris wheel with us."

"Of course we will. Fletcher's my very first alligator, I'm not about to deny him important life experiences." KJ laughs and shifts the plushy under his arm so he can take his lover's hand.

Linking their fingers together, Logan gives KJ's hand a squeeze. "You looked a little freaked out by me doing that back there," he observes as they continue their walk along the boardwalk. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, of course. I was more... amazed. Impressed," KJ corrects himself. "I've never seen anyone shoot like that outside of a movie."

Logan grins. "It's all training," he says. "Some innate skill but mostly training." Downplaying just how fucking good he is.

KJ's snort lets him know just what he thinks of that misplaced modesty. "Now that you're done work, do you think you'll practice? You know, to keep your training up?"

"I might go out to a firing range occasionally," Logan nods. "Would you ever consider coming with me?"

"Sure. I've not done much of it before, so you can have fun teaching me," KJ says with a laugh. "Maybe you could even capture me at gunpoint. And _then_ teach me."

Logan laughs too. But then he has to ask, "So I hate bringing it up again, but the stun gun thing isn't because of any issues with guns then. It's the idea of hurting me?"

"Of course." KJ eyes his lover sidelong, although he has to shift Fletcher to do it properly. "The idea of hurting you... That freaks me the hell out. I mean, what if I _really_ hurt you? Or even, what if I'm not fast enough, and you hurt me? I'm scared shitless, Logan."

Logan's used to having the answer for almost anything. His skills in trouble-shooting almost as legendary as his actual shooting skills. But he doesn't have the answer here. "I know you are," he says, blowing out a breath. "And I don't know what to do. As you pointed out, if I go back on a full dose, you might need me and not be able to wake me. If I stay on the half dose, you might have to use the stun gun or risk me hurting you. Maybe, like I said earlier, we should consider postponing the sailing trip. Not the whole thing," he clarifies quickly. "We could still travel overland and do pretty much the same trip but I could stay on the heavier meds."

"But you want to sail. We both do," KJ amends. "And you already bought the boat." It's not a smart justification, and he knows it.

"Which we could keep for another time," Logan points out. "And I do want to sail. I've dreamed of doing this for years. But I don't want to risk hurting you, physically _or_ mentally, and that's more important to me."

KJ frowns, considering the issue seriously. "I'll work harder," he says after a long moment. "I mean, I'll try harder with the stun gun. We can still go like we'd planned. I'll learn more about how to handle the yacht on my own, and take some pressure off of you."

"Are you sure?" Logan asks, still worried. "Because we can still do the trip, or travel anywhere else you want, and still be with your family for Christmas. Don't agree just to please me."

"It's not just to please you, I promise. I'm so excited about our sailing trip," KJ assures his lover. "We're just planning ahead, to solve problems before they happen. This is good." He squeezes Logan's hand.

"Okay," Logan says, watching KJ closely, reading the truth in his lover's body language. "I just -- you mean everything to me, way more than any trip, no matter how long I've been dreaming of it."

Those words - _you mean everything to me_ \- sound so simple, but their impact is like a ton of bricks. KJ blinks, surprised by the sudden rush of emotion behind his eyes. Steps closer to Logan and kisses his lover with all the overwhelming feelings washing through him.

Logan's surprised by the reaction but he's sure as hell not complaining. He kisses KJ back with everything he's got, losing himself in his lover's mouth for a minute. "I love you," he whispers when they break for breath.

"Yeah." KJ nods, and laughs softly. "Me too."

They stand there for another moment, ignoring everyone around them, two grown men and a large stuffed alligator, Logan unable to stop smiling. Finally he says, "Ferris wheel?"

KJ rests his head on Logan's shoulder for a few seconds before straightening up again. "Yeah," he says with another nod, grinning right back at his lover.


End file.
